Leave me wasted, Life is just another Balloon Filled with Lies!!

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I'M BACK!!

Well, I have banded this place for a while, i have been fighting on the ground..I couldn't write at that time..

well, I am 39 officially. and I am holding a male ID Officially...

But,

I am not in the home town any more....I Moved!

I am Honoured to introduce my new self..

I am Leo (Mish3al) the Light Catcher and I am 39 years old, Still Handsome and Still Single!

Damn I mean I am still a FREE BIRD who cant be in a relationship for that long!

I live in Europe now.

I kinda missed that hot weather in Saudi Arabia and that Dusty winds...that Humidity nights and the sneaking to my girl friend's house.

I stopped being a (drag queen) for the sake of mom. Because Mom Passed away Last JULY, Last  year,2018.

and it was the worst feeling ever!!

I Stop the tries to please anyone after all, coz i did it ONLY for her sake , and since she is not there anymore, i thought that its time to live freely and openly in public as me the MALE VERSION OF (MASH) and taking the risk of facing the whole family...Or that they will hate me afterward because I came out that fucking closet which i didn't like at all....!!!

Any ways,

It has been many years since I wrote in here,,,, And it feels weird yet.... Exciting coz I kinda missed me... Seriously...These passing years, I was a different person...Changed a lot and Done loads to survive..

Lets talk about now.

Ma Own Flat,

A Big change...

A Huge Effort to adapt as well, but the reality is:

I Cant Live  there any more

I do Not have anyone left after mom to support me, only my auntie and She is the only reason that would make me return back to (at least return the favours I have got because of her love and beklief)

I really Miss Mom..

And as me now. I am trying to just BREATH.. to be able to adapt more..

Yesterday I decided to STOP my Thoughts of going back to my Past where I had few happy moments...I HAVE TO STOP THIS AND FOCUS ON MY PRESENT...MY NOW!

Ma lovely diary,

I Missed ya too...

and will be back soon..

until then,

Gusto Mucho

Leave me wasted, Life is just another Balloon Filled with Lies!!

When Mistakenly I was Declared....Female. /Part 2

أنا من مواليد الثمانينات.... تغيرت اشياء كثيرة منذ ذاك الوقت حتى الالفية الثانية..لكن لا ازال  افتقد تلك الايام

الصدق...ماجيت على هالوقت لكن الاغنية ترددت كثيرا في مسامعي من عماتي وقتها الكبار

اليومين تعتريني حالة اشبه بالانفساخ من شرنقة ة

When I Mistakenly Declared a Female...!!!!

One of the Things that really pisses me all the time is my sister !!! I mean ..I dunno till when we are suppose to live in this fucking war! I am almost  33 years old now, and she as well just reached her 40's! ...and we are still acting like if we were 5, and 7 years old Kids!!

Seriously, I admit this with a deep pain inside my heart.. this thing is pissing me off every time and I dont know how to stop this Bullying or even make it Less!!

 I really hate those aggressive people who have this negative energy, when they Spread it all over your life and your mood!

Listening to my Music now, and trying to Ignore the fact that Im so Fucked up and Pissed off!!

I mean sometimes I just dont wanna do anything, I Just wanna live in PEACE and thats it.....All this will Goes away Once she POP UP into my Quite Universe... and Ruin everything that was Beautiful !!

Like wise, People of this Kind, Bullying you Emotionally, Physically, and Mentally are no Worth to be kept next to You.....

I Know that coz when I went away....I was so RELAXED!!

When I mistakenly declared a : female! Part3

My pride,

My ethics, 

My hopes,

My shattered heart,

I dunno if I'm gonna be able to get outta this stupid closet!!!

LGBTSS Terminology

Transgender: someone whose self-identification or expression challenges traditional notions of “male” and “female.”

Transgender people may include: transsexuals, crossdressers, drag queens and kings, gender queer, and others who cross or transgress traditional gender categories

Transsexual: Someone whose gender identity is different from their gender identity at birth. Transsexuals often undergo hormone treatments and gender reassignment surgeries to align their anatomy with their core identity, but not all desire or are able to do so.

Gender Identity: What we perceive and call ourselves, though most people develop a gender identity that matches their birth-assigned sex. Others, however, experience their gender identity as different or separate from their birth-assigned sex. 

Gender Expression: Everything we do that communicates our sex/gender to others: clothing, hair styles, mannerisms, way of speaking, roles we take in interactions, etc. 

Biological Sex: A system set by the medical establishment usually based on reproductive organs or number of certain chromosomes in the DNA.

Gender: The social construction of masculinity and femininity in a specific culture, involving gender assignment, gender roles, gender attribution, and gender identity.

Cisgender: Someone who has a gender identity that agrees with their societally recognized sex

Leave me wasted, Life is just another Balloon Filled with Lies!!

When I Mistakenly Declared as a Female! Part-2-

Guess what....I've spent more than 32 years navigating for a real personality that most likely describe me as a human being...I guess..I failed.!
I admit it, I am the most weird person I have ever met...I dont even want to get to know me if I was another person but not me...I dunno...I am so strange when it comes to a personality....I like humor, I do have a sense of humor...not a witty-one...an evilish- dark mean one...but also I am fun to be with...I hate my seriousness,I mean I could be stiff like a wooden baseball pat If I dont wanna show feeling! I am flattered when Younger individuals think I am in the same age of theirs....No one would give a doubt about how old I look...If not 22,it must be 25 based on my seriousness!!

I still struggle in the way I love to wear my clothes,and what style..I mean...I like the masculine cuts, pants with straight cuts, and a Suite! I Love to wear a Jeans pant,with a white-shirt and a Brown Blazer..! Im just like that simple! I love it this way!
People still have that huge problem in addressing me like a person or what should they call me...a Sir or a Ma'am! Im neither one of'em and I Love living as a HYM! not a He nor a She! Its a huge life decission to live like an anonymous person, no gender identity nor categorization..Just a person in the dark side of this life...

To be honest, I am too afraid to be changing to the (other side) like to be stuck in this shitty male zone...! god! The only thing i eva wanted from this part was to settle down and get married to a girl and live happily eva after nothin more!!!
I still hate living in this feminine field, coz I am much stronger than (others) and others find me so sexy and appealing!

Uh!
Life can be so hard if you just let it go on..I lost control in some point and now, All I do is sittin down, rollin and smokin up...! thats aint me I know but what to do in a world of shattered hopes!!



Leave me wasted, Life is just another Balloon Filled with Lies!!

New Discussion...

When Mistakenly, I Was Declared Female!!

وقيل في احد الاحاديث الدينية..ان الارواح جنود مؤلفة...كانت تحت عرش الرحمن قبل ان تزرع في اجسادنا ...منّا من يتحابون في الحياة لانهم على محبة قبل الخلق ووقت العبادة تحت عرش الرحمن...ومنهم من يتنافر.....ومن هنا ابتديء الحديث...

لم تكن روحي على علاقة حب..مع جسدي منذ بدء الخلق.... فوجدنا على هذه الارض ونحن نحمل قدرا كبيرا من التنافر...والمشاعر المتبادلة نحو الاخر...!!

ينظرني الناس..فيرون العباءة التي سربلتني من راسي وحتى اخمص قدماي...مطلقين علي لقب (حُرمة)!! وليس أنثى كما اتفق العلم!

وانظرني في المراى فأرى جسدا لاينتمي لذلك المسمى على الاطلاق.... لا ملامح توحي بشيء من صحة مايتفوهون به زورا وبهتانا!!

أبلغ من العمر...... ربع قرن .. لا اعرف كيف مر..ولكن به من الاحداث ماتجعلني افوز بجائزة نوبل للكفاح!!

أنا عزباء، استمتع بالمشي حافية على رمال شاطيء البحر...ألعق الايسكريم وانا امشي في المجمعات التجارية متجاهلة نظرات (الهيلق) و لا افكر مطلقا في مقايضة تلك الراحة  بلقب (أم عيال)!!

وهل يطلق على من بلغت الخامسة والعشرين في هذا المكان سوى ........ عانس؟؟!

اســـمي...... وطن...!!

ولا أملك وطنا معينـــا....!

كل البلاد اوطاني..وكل الاماكن تحمل جزءا من ذكرياتها في حياتي المنطلقة بلا ابطاء..

أستاذنكم في الاطلالة عليكم بين الفينة والاخرى.... فصاحب هذا الموقع سمح لي مؤخرا بأن اكون (مواطنة) لديه

اتمنى ان اكون مواطنة صالحة رغم ذلك !!

ي ت ب ع !!

-يتبع-